On the 22nd of June 2022 Zoë went to wind up some art people at the David Hockney exhibition in Salt’s Mill. What she didn’t realise is that she would fall in love with a bear on a stick there. There was this bear on a stick you see, it was just an example of a bear that was supposed to be made from a bear kit. The bear kit was made by Corinne Lapierre. Zoë did not realise it was a kit, nor did she want to make a bear from a kit, she just wanted THE BEAR. So a few days later, or the next day I don’t know (check the timeline if you want accuracy) she returned. With a view to rescuing the bear, or buying the bear. She would do anything to have the bear…
The problem was this: she was not allowed to have it. It was not for sale, however much she pleaded and begged. She thought that since they didn’t even have the kit for sale it was ridiculous to have the bear on display, but the thing was, they did have the kit for sale. She just hadn’t even looked (classic). So she made a deal with the shopkeep. She would buy the kit, go off and make the bear and return to swap her bear for the bear on the stick; the display bear. That way she would have something she made on display at Salt’s Mill, just like David Hockney, and she would have the bear of her dreams, without compromising the display. The man agreed and so she bought the kit. All she needed was some scissors, it came with everything else in the box. She bought the scissors from a scissor shop down on third street. Part of the scissor district. She went into a coffee shop and then it began. She made the bear, after hours of coffee drinking, running around in the rain to move her car as she ran out of parking because the bear took so long to make. Nobody knows truly how long she spent making that bear. But eventually he was made, and he looked like this…
Pictured above (L-R) The bear on the stick, The bear on the stick with Leg, Leg
Once Zoë finished making her bear she took him back into Salt's Mill. She showed the man in the shop and they both agreed he was not good enough to be the example bear, he was very wonky. Zoë left a roll of receipt paper on the floor outside the shop so she could still have something on display at the gallery and then she ran off. As she had made the bear in quite a rush, he was quite poorly made. She isn't very good at sewing either. So the same day as he was made, his leg fell off. Thus his name became Leg, and, the rest is history. Very recent history but history none the less and a bit the more.
It took a lot of pushing from Leg and the first aid tent at Harrogate food and drink festival, but eventually Leg had his leg sewn back on and for a few short days he was a happy-ish and complete little bear.
However Leg often appears quite grumpy in the videos. This may be because he's not that comfortable on camera, or more likely it is because he is annoyed about his arm. To explain that, we need to go back a bit. You see, not long after he got his leg back, he actually lost his arm.
The gang booked out a business meeting room at the Days Inn Hotel at Wetherby service station. Everyone had prepared pitches for t-shirt ideas, but when Leg arrived it was noted that his arm had fallen off in transit. This further went to show how poorly he had been made. He had prepared a pitch for a t-shirt with built in leg support, but now that seemed like the least of his worries. Everything became about his arm, for a bit, then it became about Corky producing a blood curdling presentation and revealing he had been suffering from PTSD, but that's for his page. Leg's arm was sadly overshadowed by a maniacal cork hellbent on revenge. This was when Mary had her first moment of clarity, which can also be described as her looking around the business meeting room at the Days Inn Hotel at Wetherby service station and thinking what the fuck am I doing here? Something she thinks quite frequently nowadays.
Not long after Leg lost his arm he was entered onto the reality TV show “Arm Swap”. In the show his arm is described as being “up for grabs”, something which he vehemently denies. The premise of the show is that a pair of contestants swap arms for the day and see what it’s like. Leg was on the show with Skin Graft, who, as you might know, has no arms of his own to swap. This meant that for the episode Leg was left with just his one arm, and Skin Graft had the other sewn onto him.
Throughout the show Skin Graft can be seen happily completing tasks he thought he’d never be able to do such as cooking food and using a tally counter. Leg is complaining and upset as he is not able to do things like tie up his shoe laces (on shoes he claimed were his but appeared comically large) or ride a skateboard. The host points out you can ride a skateboard with one arm and he does manage it in the end.
At the end of the show the viewers are asked to vote on this “unprecedented” episode of the show, should Leg get his arm back or should Skin Graft get to keep it? Ultimately it seems voter fraud may be at play here, the votes were never mentioned again or seemingly even counted, and despite overwhelming support for Leg, his arm remains firmly attached to Skin Graft. This is where his classic catchphrase "I want my arm back!" comes from.
To add insult to amputation, his remaining arm and legs are very wobbly and look ready to drop off at any moment. At least he has his scarf, which holds his head in place. For now.
Leg's Two Arm Adventure
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