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Skin Graft was the first of many little scamps to be added into what is colloquially known as the Zoë Bread Cinematic Universe, or a load of old crap for short. His origin is a simple one, and he was acquired by Zoë just one day before she properly started making big day out videos. She had just posted a very early one based around Vincent Van Gogh’s ear, then she had to travel to her dad’s house. She didn’t want to, she really wanted to make more videos but she had already agreed to the lunch meal. She can’t remember what she had (I am her by the way, not sure why this is in third person, I might be having an out of body experience).

Anyway, Zoë’s dad had some dog toys dotted about the floor for their dog to play with, but the dog wasn’t very interested. Zoë, being kind of like a dog in a way, became drawn to one of the toys in particular and picked it up off the floor. She played with this toy for a while on the sofa when her dad offered to give it to her. She was so happy and couldn't quite believe she was allowed to keep the armless little weirdo. Her dad proceeded to have a conversation about mending his sofa, he said he would essentially take some fabric from the back of it and “skin graft” it onto the seat where it had worn away. And in that moment Skin Graft, the legend, was born. He has a squeaker. No one is really sure what he is, but we just say squirrel because it is easier. His very first appearance was the very next day in the Thackeray museum of medicine video where Zoë attempted to convince people that if you died there you got free entry for life, but ultimately chickened out due to the presence of school children.

Skin Graft Arm Swap

In the early days, skin graft was known for not having any arms. He was taken to the Royal armouries to look for some, as that’s where he thought arms were from, but it ended up being fruitless. The next day he made Zoë take him to Armley, a small place in Leeds. Again, they found no arms. After meeting Robin Hood (a bodybuilder) he felt inspired and forced Zoë to take him to a bodybuilding gym, believing he would be able to literally build himself a pair of arms there, presumably out of hay or something. After looking around the gym and smelling the different areas he decided it wasn't for him.

Eventually skin graft ended up winning an arm fair and square in an unprecedented episode of arm swap, very very very very loosely based on wife swap (basically just the name having the word swap in it). He didn’t so much as win it as just never give it back. It was Leg’s arm and it wasn't up for grabs, so more like unfair and round. It occasionally causes rows between the pair, but they still manage to share a room and live in relative harmony. They have found it easier to have a common enemy (Zoë) than turn on each other. Something Zoë admires in them.

Most of their rows happen when Skin Graft is in his banana costume, Skin Graft has a penchant for dressing up as a banana, earning him the title of 'Top Banana.' A promotion he was quite proud of. It is a costume that requires no arms, much to Leg's annoyance. The problem is that the arm is actually very well sewn on to Skin Graft's weird tube body, we're not sure if he could ever remove it. In contrast, Leg's appendages, including his remaining arm and legs, are poorly attached and wobbly, like a child's tooth.

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i love having my arm! it's worth all the trouble it causes even though i hardly use it!!

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Skin Graft was a fan favourite, and still is to this day. People love his goofy personality, funny little teeth and the silly things he says. Zoë and him played mini golf in one of their early episodes. This would never happen now as golf is at the tippy top of Mary‘s enemies list. They both got exactly the same score and accidentally got a hole-in-one. Skin graft wore his hole-in-one sticker for ages.

Leg can be quite a bad influence on Skin Graft, especially with his extensive knowledge of the law. At one point they formed a union after Zoë asked them to help her finish off her handmade orders so she could get travelling in Mary Bean, it was in their best interest to help but they turned on her instead. It is rumoured that Zoë has to pay them £5 each now if she wants them to appear in a video, more if she uses their likeness on a t-shirt design. It is speculated that this is why they appear less often these days, as she is obviously quite tight. Although in the one million follower special you could see Leg and Skin Graft helping out behind the scenes and filming third person shots on an iPhone. So perhaps they have taken on roles behind the camera.

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Celery Goop (Lime) on a String’s Timeline
5th June 2022
Skin Graft and Zoë meet at dad Bread’s house, Skin Graft goes to live with Zoë after being rejected by a dog.
6th June 2022
Skin Graft makes his first on screen appearance at the Thackeray Museum of Medicine in Leeds.He squeaks and embarrasses both of them.
29th June 2022
Skin Graft’s search for arms begins, at the Royal Armouries
7th August 2022
Skin Graft finally gets his arm after appearing on made up game show “Arm Swap” where contestants swap arms for the day. He never gives the arm back to Leg.
27th September 2022
Skin Graft enters a "Funniest Dog" competition in Newcastle. His angle is that he's not a dog and that is why it's so funny. He becomes overwhelmed with nerves and they run off before it even starts, despite being told he is allowed to enter. Zoë awards him funniest dog anyway but it is completely meaningless and she has no authority to do so.
20th October 2022
Leg and Skin Graft form a union after being asked to work for a few minutes. Their slogan "know your rights, know you're right" goes down well with fans. Zoë was angry and called the psychic line, saying they are rubbish workers anyway with only one arm between them, the psychic line agrees.
6th April 2023
Skin Graft and the gang go out for a meal which ends up being their last supper and kicks off a disasterously blasphemous week for one Mary Greenburg
27th May 2023
Zoë calls up a man from ITV and suggests Skin Graft as the new host of "This Mornong" after Philip Schofield is axed. The man appears to take the suggestion lightheartedly until Zoë reveals that she found his number written in a phone box. Skin Graft never got a call back.

Take Oy Vey Over There: The Game

Take Oy Vey Over There: The Game

get oy vey to her destination, don't worry, she is very patient

Giddy up!