My Enemies List

By Mary Greenburg

believe me when i say this is the last place you want to end up

  1. Fabio De Albuquerque Dela Antonio has driven me to this point
  2. Magicians look at the bottom of the list
  3. eBay steals from charity, hates donkey
  4. Golf they know why
  5. Virgin Media don’t let you cancel even if you have a gambling addiction and are out of contract
  6. Ikea [reason redacted]
  7. Estate Agents easier to list the reasons they aren’t on here: none
  8. Simon Mayo stole my joke
  9. The News too many reasons to list
  10. Robin Hood stole my hat but i got it back plus technically i stole his hat
  11. Marks & Spencer too many reasons to list
  12. Sealife Centre (Brighton) kicked me out even though i agreed with them
  13. Jeff shouted at me
  14. Costa charge people in hospitals more, don’t let me eat gravel
  15. Gary Meanburg stood me up on valentine’s day even though i got him a bag of rocks
  16. Father Pancakes kidnapped me and threw cold pancake batter at me
  17. Corky pretended to be father pancakes, kidnapped me and threw cold pancake batter at me
  18. Stacey West doesn’t have her own show
  19. David Hockney my picture is longer than his picture
  20. The colour blue ate my dad
  21. Wardrobes i just like to kick them
  22. Kellogg’s never made my cereal cocork pops
  23. Parking Eye too many reasons to list
  24. Guinness World Records never gave me my certificate for throwing pots
  25. The King waste of money
  26. Charnock Richard Service Station asked a professional beep inspector to leave, also stalked me
  27. Argos Returns Policy oil filled radiators are terrible
  28. Lego the possibilities are very limited
  29. Children small, annoying, can’t act
  30. Zoë Bread too many reasons to list
  31. HMRC owe me money, think i owe them money
  32. Cineworld left me on read but made this apology video
  33. LinkedIn banned me
  34. The Police don’t know what day it is
  35. TV Licensing People won’t watch my puppet show
  36. Jeremy Vine bike
  37. BBC too many reasons to list
  38. Winchester Council took the face off the car
  39. Electricity too unpredictable
  40. Martin Lewis got two free power showers. has two first names
  41. Buxton Water it has pigeon in it
  42. Evil Horsey very scary
  43. Zoë Bread Wiki will i ever finish it
  44. Magicians misdirection
  45. Dominic Byrne sarcastically said i sound excellent but has since apologised