My Enemies List
- The Grinch stole my bit about candles and used it on the radio
- Zoë Bread consistently makes everything worse for me
- UK Road Offender Education consider me to be a national security threat
- HMRC are investigating me for tax fraud
- Tendring District Council took them to a tribunal and won cos their ticket was rubbish, even the judge agreed
- Fabio has driven me to this point
- Magicians look at the bottom of the list
- eBay steals from charity, hates donkey
- Golf they know why
- Hidden Earth Caving Convention didn’t select my mildly blasphemous image as the winner in their photo competition
- Virgin Media don’t let you cancel even if you have a gambling addiction and are out of contract
- Ikea [reason redacted]
- Estate Agents easier to list the reasons they aren’t on here: none
- Simon Mayo stole my joke
- The News too many reasons to list
- Robin Hood stole my hat but i got it back plus technically i stole his hat
- Marks & Spencer too many reasons to list
- Sealife Centre (Brighton) kicked me out even though i agreed with them
- Jeff shouted at me
- Costa charge people in hospitals more, don’t let me eat gravel
- Gary Meanburg stood me up on valentine’s day even though i got him a bag of rocks
- Father Pancakes kidnapped me and threw cold pancake batter at me
- Corky pretended to be father pancakes, kidnapped me and threw cold pancake batter at me
- Stacey West doesn’t have her own show
- David Hockney my picture is longer than his picture
- The colour blue ate my dad
- Wardrobes i just like to kick them
- Kellogg’s never made my cereal cocork pops
- Parking Eye too many reasons to list
- Guinness World Records never gave me my certificate for throwing pots
- The King waste of money
- Charnock Richard Service Station asked a professional beep inspector to leave, also stalked me
- Argos Returns Policy oil filled radiators are terrible
- Lego the possibilities are very limited
- Children small, annoying, can’t act
- Cineworld left me on read but made this apology video
- LinkedIn banned me
- The Police don’t know what day it is
- TV Licensing People won’t watch my puppet show
- Jeremy Vine bike
- BBC too many reasons to list
- Winchester Council took the face off the car
- Electricity too unpredictable
- Martin Lewis got two free power showers. has two first names
- Buxton Water it has pigeon in it
- Evil Horsey very scary
- Zoë Bread Wiki will i ever finish it
- Magicians misdirection
- Dominic Byrne sarcastically said i sound excellent but has since apologised